Julkåseri, eller

 Idag blev jag varse att det snart är jul:

Planeringen av julnumret pågår för fullt. Vill du vara med i år också?

Hälsningar

Per Leino

Gotlands Allehanda

Broväg 21

621 23 Visby

Jag har bidragit med jultexter till GA i många år nu. Och som jag har dyrkat julen, skrivit om tindrande barnaögon, traditioner och annat fint.  Lasse Christoffersson brukar rita åt mig och vi brukar få en helsida. Det är mycket jobb. Mycket ångest.

Hela året har jag nu gått och tänkt på jultexter. Jag har nästan tänkt att jag nog är ganska mätt på julen. Förra året skrev jag en riktigt bra text om dricke, med lite genusperspektiv. Jag tänkte då att nu är det sista gången. Jag kan inte mer. 

Men så kom det här mejlet idag. Vill du vara med i år också? Och onekligen blir man lite sporrad.

Men jag är ju så jävla trött på julen? Trött på att sitta uppe nästan till morgonen innan julafton och slå in klappar. Trött på att kliva upp i svinottan för att lasta bilen, väcka barnen, tjata på dem fina kläder, se H stressa runt och fodra djuren, lämna gullekatten ensam, laga maten och komma på sätt att varmhålla den tills man kommer fram till rätt destination. Trött på alla meningslösa julklappar som kostar en massa pengar. Trött på julen! Men det kan man ju inte skriva om i ett julkåseri? 

I stället borde man vara tacksam över att man ingår i en stor familj. Att många vill fira med en. Och visst är det roligt…..

Men jisses, vad ska jag svara? Vad ska jag skriva om? Här är några förslag:

1. Hemmansägaren och svågern went bonkers at Vesterby. Efter det att julklapparna är utdelade och barnen är upptagna med dem gör de champagne av vitt vin i morsans Soda Stream och sedan har de en tävling i vem som kan knäcka valnötter mot pannan? Svågerns mor, som måste vila med jämna mellanrum, låg i en soffa under en filt och njöt av tävlingarna och tåvlingarna. Man såg hur hon skrattade gott där under sin filt. Och mamma tyckte det var kul hon också, när hon insåg att en Soda Stream håller för diverse påfrestningar. 

Nej, det kan man inte skriva om. Att man dricker champagne på julen. Nej, fy. Då ska man ju bara knäcka nötter och dansa ringdans.

2. Kvällen innan julafton går strömmen vid Hägsarve, det blir kortis i proppskåpet. Hela fastigheten mörkläggs. Det blir svart som i ett sotararsle, som Hemmansägaren brukar säga. (Kan man säga sotararsle i ett julkåseri? Tveksamt.) Bara i sommarköket fungerar elen. Jag får, i panik, flytta ut all julmat vi lagat dit. Jag flyttar mat och flyttar mat. Gabbe och Vero kommer och lagar elen. Vi dricker vin och dricker vin och på julaftons morgon har vi hvdvärk.

Nej, det var inte passande.

3.  Jag stressar halvt ihjäl mig till jul, köper mer än jag borde. Slår in rim och paketerar skinka. När julafton kommer så somnar jag i en soffa.

Inte så juligt.

4. Mamma och jag bestämmer oss för att gå på julotta. Vi kommer, gåendes (!) till Klinte kyrka en timme innan andakten ska börja. Det är mörkt. Jäkligt mörkt. Vi snubblar runt bland gravarna, fryser och försöker fördriva tiden.

Hur juligt är det på en skala?

Nej, det var inte heller kul.

Vad vill man läsa om i ett julkåseri egentligen? Vad är passande? Ska jag tacka nej?

Hemmansägaren tycker jag ska be om en veckas betänketid. Kommer det att hjälpa?

Mien

226 Responses to “Julkåseri, eller”

  1. Ingrid Says:

    Julångesten florerar visst lite överallt, inte bara vid Stenstugu. /Ingrid

    PS Jag tycker du har ett ganska bra kåseri här! DS

  2. Veronica Says:

    Haha, jag minns den där kvällen när elen gick och det luktade brännt av plast och elektricitet, vilket är en väldigt otrevlig och oroande lukt!

    Och jag hade väldigt dåligt samvete dagen därpå för att vi söp er under bordet natten innan julafton, men attans var trevligt vi hade :-)
    Fast jag och Gabbe var också rätt bleka om nosen på julafton, vilket i och för sig bara var bra för barnen, eftersom vi bara orkade sitta och titta och prata med dem, och inte var i gasen själva alls.

    När det gäller julkåseri så kan du väl fundera på saken, dessutom:
    1. du är verkligen inte är gnällig!
    2. att du skriver så mycket roligt på den här bloggen att nåt måste du väl kunna vaska fram som passar?
    3. be redaktionen bre på lite mer! Om du känner dig smickrad av det där torra korta mejlet så förstår jag att du inte får så mycket uppskattning från det där hållet.
    Kunde de inte åtminstone sagt “Mien, du är så himla bra och vi vill gärna att du skriver vårt julkåseri, snälla, våra läsare kommer sakna det annars.”
    Nåt sånt tycker jag nog de kunde klämt i med. “Vill du vara med i år också”, hallå liksom! har karln rymt från någon finsk dramafilm eller? måste man vara så korthuggen! Pfft!!!

  3. Anna-Stina Says:

    Jag håller med Ingrid! Putsa och lägg till lite på det här så är bekymret ur världen! hälsar en som inte har ´julat´på många år! Jo, jag har ljus i en av de stora växande granarna utanför, slingan sitter för 3:e säsongen nu! Att sårken kummar haim är jul nog för mig.

  4. Snart Riccos matte Anki Says:

    Haha vad du e rolig Mien. Tror alla kan känna igen sig i dina exempel och varför inte skriva om en sådan “annorlunda men normal” jul? Imorgon ska vi hämta Ricco, det ser jag verkligen fram emot o nu hittar jag till Brukshundsklubben oxå… :-)

  5. Julia Says:

    Du har väl haft din skörd av eländiga jular helt enkelt…
    Jag minns en med dej i nackkrage och kvaddad bil. Jag minns en annan med Jonas ben i gips. Jag har hört talas om en tredje med magsjuka i Pite…

    Julen kanske inte är din bästa högtid ändå? Nyår kanske?

  6. admin Says:

    Oj, tack för alla fina kommentarer!

    Ingrid;
    Jag har faktiskt anmält mig som kåseriskrivare i år också!

    Vero;
    Ha, ha ha, rymt från någon finsk dramafilm! Läste faktiskt upp det för några från GA som var förbi jobbet och tog några bilder på mig och mina elever. GA-människorna höll på att garva ihjäl sig.

    Anna-Stina;
    Visst är det så, barn och djur är det viktigaste för en mysig jul.

    Anki!
    Har Ricco kommit än? Är så nyfiken.

    Julia;
    Ha, ha ha, I think you got a point there! Men du glömde blodproppen. Vi fick ju tillbringa hela juldagen på las för att jaga en blodpropp som satt sig i din brors blåsvullna fot. De hade julgran på akuten minns jag.

    Mien

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